Welcome back! We continue with this course in Week 6, discussing more and more controversial and emotional topics. From what I am gathering from the discussion posts this week, each of us (including myself - BIG TIME) has been experiencing a bit of a roller coaster of emotions over the last six weeks: frustration, anger, disappointment, confusion, pride, etc. As we continue to learn about diversity, culture, perspectives, equity, isms, micro aggressions, and overall equality to all human beings in our society, my eyes continue to be opened to instances I had not considered previously and to my own views and biases in that regard. While I have always considered myself to be open, tolerant, and accepting - overall bias-free - I, along with some of my colleagues, have been shocked and saddened to discover that I have committed micro aggressions against individuals due to some type of ism….unconsciously, unintentionally, and without aiming to hurt or harm. I was heartbroken when analyzing my own life and experiences and realizing I have not lived free of bias as I had always thought prior to this course; however, I am taking this as motivation to go down this extremely daunting and challenging road to becoming an anti-bias educator.
That being said, this week for our blog assignment we needed to revisit and analyze an example of an incident in which I, or someone I know, experienced bias, prejudice, or oppression and describe the scenario for discussion and analysis. While learning about these ideas, I have been relating to one specific ism and specific encounter(s) or experience(s) in regard to this ism lately….that being sexism and being sexually objectified as well as mistreated and disrespected by a male parent of one of my student's from my class. However, I would like to turn the tides for this specific example this week as that prior example was more intentional. For the example this week I refer to an act of micro aggression, which was unintentional yet continuous in my experiences. Again this example could be considered sexism in some way, shape, or form but it took place with friends and was an unconscious and unintentional blight committed with me being the recipient.
Growing up, I was a bit of a tomboy. I always played sports, especially softball, and was surrounded by sports my whole life - either watching, talking about, or playing at home, school, on a team, or with friends and family. By the time I had reached high school, I was at an age where (as most teenage girls) I began to have "crushes" on boys. Being a tomboy and interested in sports and attempting to avoid the drama, I had several male friends, as well as female friends. It was awesome because I always felt comfortable since I knew and loved sports so we always had that in common to talk about. They respected me for this and for some this was the basis of our friendship. However, the comments made in passing were frustrating at times and completely harsh on my sensitive self-identity and self-perception. While my guy friends had the best of intentions, they had no idea what they were saying was being perceived by me as hurtful and frustrating. They would say things like "You know so much about this for a girl" or "It's so nice to hang out because you're like one of the guys". Both comments were equally frustrating and upsetting as the first felt like a punch to the guy - just because I am a girl means that I can't play, like, or know sports? That felt so WRONG! The second was just as difficult to hear because yes…I AM A GIRL… and yes… I LIKE you. Due to the second comment, a follow up sometimes occurred - "But you're like a little sister to me, I could never see you like that so it's best we just stay friends." All of the aforementioned comments, as I stated, are unintentionally harmful to a teenage girl's self-esteem, self-identity, and more. During such instances I remember feeling low, feeling like I did not have the respect I wanted or deserved, feeling like it shouldn't be one extreme of a guy abusing his rights with you because you're a female or the other extreme of not being considered a female just because you participate in what used to be considered a "predominantly male activity".
I think that such instances, while innocent and unintentional in nature, are detrimental and can take away from the equity of women versus men in our society. It is not fair to portray certain things for men to do but not for women - this goes against equity or providing opportunities for ALL human beings, regardless of age, race, gender, ethnicity, culture, identity, sexual orientation, etc. Even though my male friends are wonderful and had the best of intentions and would be the first in line to "handle" any person who "gave me a hard time" or "hurt me" in ANY way, they could not wrap their heads around what they themselves had done with just a few words in passing conversation. In order for things like this to stop perpetuating on the small scale like this or on an even larger scale like my previous examples last week with sexism, our society and our society's expectations MUST change. We have come so far through the years and I think we still have a great many battles to overcome in order to have a truly just society. However, I do strongly believe we can get there, whether it be 5 months, 5 years, 500 years from now, I do believe it will happen….eventually. :)
Until next time...
Ashley I can relate to your frustration. While sports were not my thing, video games were, as such my friends were predominantly male. My best friend was a boy who developed a crush on me and he would make comments such as "your really good at this game for a girl" which frustrated me and he had a tendency to eyeball my chest area which was disconcerting and sadly influenced the end to our long relationship. Throughout our association many people automatically assumed because I hung out with boys we were doing more than gaming which was NOT true. I experienced gender bias and exclusionary prejudices from both male and female peers due to their inaccurate and hurtful assumptions. Thank you for sharing your experiences so openly.
ReplyDeleteHi Ashley, like you until this class my eyes were closed to quite a few things that I am now made more aware of. It is so very easy to commit an act so unintentionally but just as easy to commit one intentionally.Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and views.
ReplyDeleteAshley, I have truly enjoyed learning about the different “ISM.” This class has given me the support to grow, mature and develop into a valiant educator. It is cogent to envision, that changing means refraining from those obstinate ways.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing!