Conflict and Communication

This past week in class we have been discussing the influence and impact of conflict and negative communication skills on the effectiveness of communication between individuals. We learned about the 3 R's created by Magda Gerber, which include respectful, reciprocal, and responsive interactions. We also learned about Nonviolent Communication (NVC), which provides strategies and principles for avoiding or overcoming negative conflict. After reading and discussing such issues with communication, we needed to consider and examine our own experiences with conflict either in our personal or professional lives. How did this conflict impact the communication? More importantly, what are two strategies learned that could help manage or resolve the conflict more effectively and productively? Why and/or how are they effective?


Considering the topic at hand, I recollect an issue with a colleague from this past school year. This colleague is an individual who is very loud and likes to be heard by all, very frequently interrupting or speaking over others to get her point across or share what is on her mind - whether related to what is being discussed or not. She believes that she has the right to speak her mind to anyone, including administrators, as she often yells at them to get what she wants. She claims that she is "defending the children" in her classroom, yet she admits that she "enjoys making waves" to see what can come of it. While we work in different grade levels as this individual is a preschool self contained teacher and I am a fourth grade teacher, we are in the same building and have the same lunch period in the faculty room. During the lunch time, I would see this individual daily for 20-30 minutes. Almost daily she would interrupt my conversations or questions, along with any other individuals in the faculty room. On one particular day, I had posed a question to my colleagues regarding something my cousin who was in 1st grade in another district was experiencing. In New Jersey, we now have HIB laws against bullying. HIB stands for Harassment, Intimidation, and Bullying and is taken very seriously within the schools in our state. My cousin had been encountering several instances of being bullied by two other students - one in her grade and class and the boy's older sister who was in 5th grade. I had asked my colleagues about the HIB laws just to confirm that I had the correct information before helping my Aunt and Uncle who asked for my advice on how to handle the situation with the principal since nothing had been done thus far, despite their requests. During this conversation, my colleague described previously, interrupted and began to practically yell at me about how to handle the situation. When I reminded her that I was inquiring to confirm I had the correct information and that it was not my own child, she still reprimanded me for how I was handling the situation and how her school was handling the situation. Once again I reminded her that I was attempting to help my Aunt and Uncle prepare to handle it appropriately to which she completely became angry and started to yell that I should not allow a child to be treated that way. This became an infuriating experience very quickly during a time of day in which I like to rest and recharge my batteries for the afternoon with my students. While I wanted to simply lose my cool and say things I should not say, I instead took a few deep breaths and allowed her to finish her rant before finally responding to say, "Thank you for your thoughts on the matter. Again I was just inquiring about the policies. I appreciate your passion and concern about the issue and I will help my Aunt and Uncle to handle it appropriately." After that I turned to another colleague and began discussing something from our fourth grade classes that we needed to finish that week in order to move on from the conflict.


Reflecting back on the scenario, I feel as though neither of us were being appropriate or effective communicators. Strategies that I have now learned in hindsight that could have helped could be to use questioning techniques and nonverbal cues to show I understand and care yet am curious why she is so worked up over the issue; and be willing to talk through and hear her side to compromise and take advice from her, as well. During both strategies, I could remind her to take a deep breath to help her remain calm, as well. I think both of these strategies could help both of us to be more effective communicators because it is allowing us to be more aware of the other individual's emotions and thoughts on the matter, utilizing empathy. Additionally, it would help us to utilize and perfect our listening skills to communicate more clearly and effectively with one another and later on with our children and families, as well. I think the principles of NVC and the 3 R's are helpful information that I now have as a resource in case an issue such as this were to take place again in the coming school year.